Really, Dude?

When Miles was in grade school, one of his best friends in the world was a girl named Alice.

We all love Alice. She's super-smart and doesn't take any crap from anyone. Just the kind of girl I always pictured with Miles. Of course they both insisted (and why wouldn't they, this all happened during their ages of 9-11) that they were just friends. He would go to her house after school and they'd watch 'Sponge Bob' and trade Pokemon cards, or she would come over here after school and they would trade books to read, etc.

It was a great friendship.

Last May, when they were still in grade school, Alice's birthday party was on the same exact day and time as his buddy Nathan's. And Miles chose to go to Alice's.

This was a quite shock to everyone in our family.

Not only was Nathan a good friend to Miles, but he also bridged the gap to Calvin, managing to be great friends with him, too.  Even at the same time as Miles.  This is an impressive accomplishment that their little brother hasn't even managed to achieve.  Heck, I'm not sure I've even pulled it off.


Our entire family loves Nathan. He's sweet-natured and hilarious. I went to high school with his parents. And, he lives just around the corner. Nathan is our family's version of Eddie Haskell, but without everything coming out of his mouth sounding like it has a double meaning.


He's Eddie Haskell without the kiss-assiness.

There was a three-year time-span, when they were all in grade school, when the boys would get off the bus and seven minutes later, exactly seven minutes - I literally could have counted by seconds until it hit the precise seven minute mark - there'd be a knock, knock, knock on the door by Nathan. And he'd come in, take off his shoes, pet the dog, and head for the phone to call his Mom to tell her he had gotten here safely.

And while he was doing that ritual, either Rod or I would ask him - every time - "What's up, Nathan?" To which he would reply, shyly in the beginning and with knowing amusement after a year or so, "Goooood."

Me: "What's up, Nathan?"

Him: "Goooood."

It was awesome. It, for lack of a better word, tickled us. All of us.

But apparently not enough for Miles to choose Nathan's birthday party over Alice's party that year. But this was also during the last six weeks of grade school. I wondered at the time if things with Alice would start to feel a little funky to Miles once they got into Middle School.

I got a good preview of this worry at the end of the summer. Alice went on vacation with her family to Hawaii. And, according to her Mom, she spent a good chunk of her time and spending-money looking for a specific shell-type necklace for him with his name on it.

Which, of course, when you are looking for anything with the name 'Miles' on it, you are in for a pretty serious/disappointing shopping trip (unless you plan on stealing a mph traffic sign, which I'm pretty sure they would not have allowed on the airplane for the trip home). So, she settled for one with a cool wooden surf board on it which she gave to Miles with sincere satisfaction.

And which he received in the same exact manner. He wore it for weeks (which is saying something for him). He wore it to Middle School Orientation.  And on the first day of school.

Then he just stopped.  I haven't seen him wear it since.

And so, as so many boy-girl childhood 'friendships' go, Miles and Alice grew apart during this first year of Middle School. I think she was all-for still hanging out with him. But Miles is like any boy his age: he only wants to hang out with the guys.  Or, he wants it to look like he only wants to hang out with the guys.

It totally reminds me of that part in 'Grease' when Danny and Sandy spend all summer together at the beach and then when they see each other unexpectedly at school several weeks later, John Travolta acts all cool and dickish to her in front of his buddies after she gets SO happy and excited to see him.

 

Danny: That's cool baby, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and what not.

Sandy: Danny?

Danny: That's my name, don't wear it out.

Sandy: What's the matter with you?

Danny: What's the matter with me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Sandy: What happened to the Danny Zuko I met at the beach?

Danny: Well I do not know. Maybe there's two of us. Why don't you take out a missing person's ad? Or try the yellow pages, I don't know.

Sandy: You're a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you!

I personally like to repeat that last line of Sandy's whenever I'm feeling particularly dramatic. Its especially effective if I have a pair of pom poms to throw down on the ground as I say it. But, I digress...

The bottom line is that Miles spent this year having his free time being all about dudes. The only time he spent hanging out with a girl was the time I think he went on his first date. I wrote a post about it which you can read here:

http://www.missmeinthemiddle.com/2010/03/moms-protect-yourselves-mshb-is-serious.html

Everything else was dude-time. And not a minute with Alice.

So, I wasn't too surprised this year when we once again got two birthday party invitations with the dates and times being exactly the same, that Miles immediately chose to go to Nathan's party instead of Alice's.

The whole thing prompted me to sit him down to have a little chat (which was totally premeditated by me, a fact that I hope I didn't let on to him, otherwise he would have never done it...you Moms know what its like). We talked about appropriate ways to cool-off a friendship, and ways to get your point across without hurting people's feelings, and the different ways that girls feel and react to situations than boys do, etc.

Basically, I reiterated something I always encourage all the boys to do. And this is to try and handle all situations with grace.

I say it at least once a day. In my opinion, if you don't do something with grace then what you do doesn't matter. And I've been saying this to them since they were babies. So you can imagine my surprise when, at the end of this little learning moment/conversation with Miles, he said something really shocking.

And yet also quite self-explanatory.

I asked him what exactly made him decide to go to Nathan's party this year instead of Alice's. And his answer totally threw me. I didn't know whether to smack him in the head, or to do a coffee spit-take from laughing so hard...

"Mom, its really simple. Middle School is all about Bros Before Hos."

He immediately assured me afterwards that he doesn't generally call girls hos. He just said it this way because he knew I would think it was funny and because it gets his point across. And the thing is, he's right.  I trust him. I know he feels comfortable enough with me to say that kind of thing to crack me up. Considering some of the notes, comments and awards he's been getting from Middle School, I do trust him to know his audience and to make good decisions. 
I trust him enough to let him be himself.

So, I chose the spit-take. And then I laughed for about five straight minutes.

Plus, even though the word-choice is a little off, the bottom line of what he's saying is right. When you are a twelve-year-old boy, it IS bros before hos. And considering how fast that statement is totally going to flip and be the other way around, I'll take it for as long as I can.

So, you can think about him having fun tomorrow night at Nathan's birthday party, hanging with the bros.

Thankfully without a ho in sight.  And hopefully when they all get back to school on Monday, Miles won't be using his new, updated Dany Zuko line so that Alice won't have to yell that he's fake and phony, wishing she'd never laid eyes on him.